Living your life through someone else’s eyes

In this period when all groups claim they are the vanguard or keepers of family values, let me ask you, my reader, about how you define family. We had no choice as to which womb we come out. Also, we had no choice as to our ethnicity, cultural background, economic background, sexual identification (yes, yes, I believe we are genetically predisposed). So, while as a child, we grow up with adults who try to shape and mold us through their views of the world.

For me, as someone who grew up in a traditional Asian family living overseas, my experiences have been influenced by the “us” versus “them.” I don’t even mean “us” Asian, “you” foreigner. No, it was more like “us” our family, “them” their family. Family is our “pack.” In the animal kingdom, animals that live in packs have social norms that ensure their survival. Animals that do not conform to those norms are thrown out as outcasts so that their genes will not survive.

So, this brings me to us, the gay and lesbian group. We are the tiniest of minorities but we somehow, convey the deepest fears among some members of the heterosexual group. Since childhood, most of us know who we are. We hide our identities from the pack because we know what happens to outcasts. We are also different than other animals. We do not act by instinct. We think and rationalize. So, when we grow up, we do have to decide what constitutes family. As this blogger shows (see here), it is quite sad and dangerous if we have to continue living our lives through someone else’s eyes. So, to my fellow Indian blogger, just my advice (if you are reading this), you have to live your own life and create your own family.

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